


Down Every Alley

by QQI25



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 21:49:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13599075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QQI25/pseuds/QQI25
Summary: James ducks into random alleys never knowing what he's even looking for.





	Down Every Alley

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!! I've had this baby sitting in my Notes for a while and the last time I opened it was fucking what? july 2015/16?? jesus damn does that seem like a long while ago. it's based off smth I'm sure but i can't for the life of me find it. just look on my tumblr at crookedtidalwaves.tumblr.com and u'll find it eventually. 
> 
> for the title i searched up "in every alley" and after scrolling down a lil i happened upon a song called "Every Alley of My Heart" by Joel Vaughn which is religious nd i hvnt listened to yet but not gna lie I'm kinda diggin the lyrics tbh. 
> 
> I'm not quite sure if these're just gna be connected drabbles or wht but i hv one (1) othr idea currently thts v tiny nd already touched on in this lmao

He doesn't know when it started. ~~Scratch that. He does. He just doesn't wanna admit it.~~ But he starts checking alleyways as he passes them. Doesn't matter what he's doing; he has to. He's tried to stop doing it because he doesn't even know what he's fucking looking for, but if he doesn't look, he feels an overwhelming sense of anxiety. And then he has to go back and check which just wastes his fucking time. He doesn't even feel emotions anymore. Not really. He's just an empty vessel. ~~Or has been up until now and this change in demeanor isn't welcome and he can't do anything to change it back.~~

So he doesn't stop. He ducks into alleyways and looks for fuck knows what and never finds shit and still ducks into alleyways and repeats this routine because it's become normal, like keeping his weapons on and always touching one or making himself unseen or not sleeping or not trusting anyone. 

And sometimes he sees movement, pictures a fight, gets ready to defend someone he doesn't know. One day he _does_ see a fight but he can't move because his brain is telling him that the kid's too big, that his hair's too dark, that he doesn't fit the category for "people I protect until I die". He's fucking frozen and there's only one person in that category, and it's not anyone he remembers, but his image is clear as day. His blond hair, his blue eyes full of determination, that skinny body that he somehow knows is probably the shittiest body ever, that attitude that wouldn't let him ever fucking die no matter what. 

Ever since the man on the bridge (that he knows knows him because he saw the way his expression had changed), his memory has jumpstarted and presented him with random-ass images that didn't really fit together, with doubt because he can't sort out fact from fiction if he has no one to help him. He wishes that the man on the bridge would seek him out so he could confront him about what he's "remembering". He wishes that he could just fucking leave Hydra because even if it's all he remembers it's probably the shittiest place ever to be. He wishes that he just didn't meet him because it's so fucking hard to deal with this and he'd sometimes rather be just a mindless vessel.


End file.
